Jealousy can be insidious. It can cause us to unravel and mistrust ourselves to the point of exhaustion. Also, what feels like a deep knowing can oftentimes come across as a possible fear because of how activated our nervous system is at the thought of a partner cheating.
Intuition is real and it can be trusted. As long as you know how to differentiate your intuition from anxiety and fear, it can be used as a powerful tool to help guide you in all areas of your life, especially when experiencing jealousy with your partner. If you are unsure whether you can differentiate the two, there are ways you can fine tune your intuition to use it to your advantage.
To learn how to differentiate the two, we have invited mentor and mindset coach who also has a PhD in psychology, Ashley Greer, to give us practical exercises to anchor our intuition. She also teaches us how to know when you are feeling fear and anxiety, and how that manifests in the body and mind. These are practical tools that can be used in all areas of life, but are so important for the highly emotional parts, such as intimate relationships.
Tune in to hear how you can start to fine tune your intuition and understand fear and anxiety from a different lens.
Topics discussed in this episode:
To connect with Ashlee, head to her website here!
Schedule your free Clarity Call with Shanenn
For further support, join the Jealousy Junkie Facebook Group
What's your attachment style? Take the FREE Quiz to find out
Jealousy Junkie Website
Connect with your host, Shanenn on Instagram
The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or Jealousy Junkie is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Jealousy Junkie podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
[00:00:00] Ashlee Greer: People tend to project that into their current circumstances. Unfortunately, and this is another thing about intuition, intuition is anchored in the present. It's not about the past, it's actually anchored in how do I feel right now. If my mind is going to the past, what that is a lot of times is that's trauma.
[00:00:19] Ashlee Greer: That's people reflecting on traumatic experiences that have happened to them, generalizing from those traumatic experiences, and projecting that fear into the present moment instead of just feeling what's going on around.
[00:00:37] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: There's just no other way to say it. Jealousy sucks. And I know you do anything to not be jealous, but you just can't shake it. Obsessive thoughts, knots of anxiety in your stomach, disastrous nights out and even ruined relationships. I've been there. Welcome to Jealousy, Junkie. The podcast to help you go from that jealous and anxious feeling in your relationship to calm and confident.
[00:01:03] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: My name is Shanenn Bryant. And as one of the few who focus on overcoming jealousy, I'll be right here to support you through the painful range of emotions, tackle your jealous reactions, and bring your sanity check questions to the table.
[00:01:19] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Welcome to another episode of Jealousy Junkie. I'm your host Shanenn Bryant.
[00:01:24] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: And the question that we are answering today on this episode is, is it fear or intuition? So, I have brought in Ashley Greer, she has a PhD in psychology and is a mentor and mindset coach who focuses on helping us establish, is it my fear or is. Intuition welcome, Ashley.
[00:01:50] Ashlee Greer: Thank you so much for having me on the show.
[00:01:52] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Yeah. Well, thank you. We talked about this. The question or topic came up from a conversation that I was having with a member of the Facebook group, who said, that's what I always have to gauge on. Is it my fear or is it my intuition? So, I thought it would be a great topic for us to discuss. How do we know the difference?
[00:02:12] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Because when we are jealous, We kinda live in fear, but we still have intuition from time to time. So let's dive in and talk about how we can tell the difference.
[00:02:24] Ashlee Greer: Sounds great. I mean, I think it's such a great topic because whether it's about jealousy, whether it's about work, whether it's about going for a drive, a lot of times this differentiation between fear and intuition is something that so many people struggle with.
[00:02:37] Ashlee Greer: So I love the topic that we're talking about today.
[00:02:40] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Well, I may have a situation where I'm like, well, I've seen this happen before. This is the same thing that's happened in the past, or this looks really familiar. And then we base our actions off of those thoughts. So talk to me about the difference between fear and intuition.
[00:03:00] Ashlee Greer: So there's a couple of really important components here. The first is that fear and intuition are going to feel really different. The very basic thing is that the feelings really matter. And when we have a lot of anxiety, you know, cuz jealousy, a lot of times is driven by anxiety and worry. When we have a lot of those feelings, we tend to wanna avoid those feelings and not dive into them.
[00:03:26] Ashlee Greer: We wanna avoid feeling jealous. We wanna push it off the table. Unfortunately, that's just not how intuition works. We actually have to sit with the feelings that are involved and understand what's going. One of the primary things that's most important with this is you have to slow down. A lot of times in jealousy comes up, it comes up spur of the moment it comes up hot and your face gets hot and you wanna react and you wanna respond and you wanna go off and all of those things.
[00:03:55] Ashlee Greer: In those moments, that's probably not intuition. That's probably emotion and it's probably related to stuff in the past and I'll talk about that a bit in a minute. But this emotion that's going on is really important to tune into. And so when it comes to intuition, you really have to be able to sit with that emotion through time.
[00:04:16] Ashlee Greer: It's not gonna be in the moment. It's going to be smooth and calm, like a nice calm, um, like if you walked up to a pond and you saw that it was nice and calm, you can actually see through to the bottom of the pond and you can actually see what's going on down. Right. If that pond has a disturbed surface, so to speak, you're not actually gonna be able to see things very clearly.
[00:04:40] Ashlee Greer: It's gonna be really distorted and you're gonna wonder, what am I seeing a fish? Am I seeing a rock? I don't know what I'm seeing down there. So that's the first point is we have to give ourselves time. A lot of times, fear versus intuition is something that I say, take a day, take a few days, sleep on it, let it calm down, let your nervous system calm down and then return to the feelings and what's going on.
[00:05:05] Ashlee Greer: That's the first part about feelings is give it some time. The second part about feelings is fear and intuition actually feel really different. Fear is a thing that feels really frantic. It feels really wound up. It feels really tight. It feels really like worry, like anxiety. Whenever a sense comes up that you wonder if it's intuition and it's actually worry and anxiety and it's in your head, it’s probably fear.
[00:05:32] Ashlee Greer: When it comes up and it actually feels more like calm certainty. Again, that pond that's clear and that's smooth. It feels like calm certainty. It feels like, that's a weird thought. I wonder why I would feel that way right now. Huh? That came out of nowhere. I wasn't even thinking, I wasn't even wondering what my partner was doing today.
[00:05:54] Ashlee Greer: That's weird. I'm washing the dishes and he's sitting on the cup and he's not texting or any of this stuff that popped in my head. It's not disturbing me. It's just there. That's more when intuition is coming into play, when it comes to our emotions. Do we feel calm? Do we feel certain? Do we feel curious, or do we feel frantic and do we feel emotional and do we feel triggered and do we feel really reactive?
[00:06:21] Ashlee Greer: That's fear. Does that make sense?
[00:06:23] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Yeah. A hundred percent. So would you say that most of the time, if we're already in that mode and we're already thinking about where's he been today and who has he talked to and where did they eat for lunch, those types of things. And then we have a thought of, I maybe need to check his email when we're already, probably in that mode and as you said, feeling frantic and anxious, most likely that's the fear.
[00:06:46] Ashlee Greer: Correct? Absolutely. Because what happens is it becomes like a cyclical feedback mechanism where we create anxiety and we have all this worry and we've built up this narrative in our head, this story about what's going on. And then that feeds into a fear that we're going...maybe there is something to this. Which feeds into the anxiety and the worry, and it sort of ramps up and up and up until we actually, I talk about this with clients a lot until we sometimes feel as though we have to do something to calm the obsessional thoughts that we're having. Which is usually a behavior such as checking the email, looking at the bank receipts, whatever it might be, whatever checking kind of things you do.
[00:07:27] Ashlee Greer: It actually is a little bit of a, an obsession compulsive response.
[00:07:31] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Yeah, we get into that obsessive mode. And I love that you brought that up because I always say questions, breed questions. And we get into that mode of, well, now I need to check the email. And unfortunately, when we're in that sort of mindset and that cycle, as you said, and then we go check the email.
[00:07:50] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Just because we don't find something, it doesn't satisfy that. Because then we go, oh, they're either really good at hiding it or it's somewhere else. Maybe it's in their text messages, maybe it's in social media.
[00:08:02] Ashlee Greer: Absolutely. And so then we wind ourselves up more and we go searching for more evidence and we're convincing ourselves, well, there must be something out there because why do I feel this so strongly?
[00:08:12] Ashlee Greer: Instead of saying, why do I feel it so strongly? It's really, why am I fearing this so strongly?
[00:08:16] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Oh, I love that
[00:08:17] Ashlee Greer: That brings up a really this other point that I really wanted to make. Cause you said at the beginning, you said this has happened to me in the past. I've seen these signs before. I know what this feels like.
[00:08:29] Ashlee Greer: And so people tend to project that into their current circumstances. Unfortunately, and this is another thing about intuition, intuition is anchored in the present. It's not about the past. It's actually anchored in, how do I feel right now? If my mind is going to the past, what that is a lot of times is that's trauma.
[00:08:49] Ashlee Greer: That's people reflecting on traumatic experiences that have happened to them. Generalizing from those traumatic experiences and projecting that fear into the present moment, instead of just feeling what's going on around. Here's an example, like you go into a restaurant, and you see somebody in, for some reason, your spy sense goes off and you're like, that person doesn't feel right. That person doesn't feel safe. Something about that person just gives me the willies.
[00:09:16] Ashlee Greer: And that's present moment. You don't know jack about that person. They don't remind you of anybody. That has absolutely that intuition in that present moment. But you walk in and you see a guy who looks like your narcissistic ex-partner. And you're like, that guy gives me the willies. He looks just like Jack; Jack was an evil sob. That's trauma.
[00:09:39] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: That's trauma. And that's going into that fear place. Yeah, that's a really good, easy distinction, I think for us to tell the difference. So then from that you're saying intuition, you said it's about the present.
[00:09:55] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Does it tend to happen then when we're not doing anything or thinking about anything in particular? Is that usually when we get these intuitive thoughts?
[00:10:05] Ashlee Greer: I would say generally, if it's going to just come to us, that's when it comes out of nowhere, it comes in the silence a lot of times. The silence, meaning those times when you're not really in your head.
[00:10:16] Ashlee Greer: So those moments when you're in the shower or you're driving, or you're going for a walk where your mind's just drifting. And you're not thinking about anything and you're not listening to a podcast. I mean, you should listen to this podcast, but you know, you're not listening to a podcast or you're not planning your day and you're just, or maybe right before you go to sleep or right. When you wake up.
[00:10:36] Ashlee Greer: Those kinds of times is a time that it comes, but there are ways to actually tune into your intuition. And I'm happy to talk more about that, if that would be helpful for your audience as well.
[00:10:45] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Yes. I love that because when, as you said, when maybe we are listening. This podcast can certainly be somewhat triggering.
[00:10:54] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: And I say that from time to time, just because of the topics and the things that we're talking about. I fear that some people go, oh, I never even thought to look there or, oh, I never even thought to do that. And so I think it's really helpful to say that's coming from that fear place. And when we need to move away from that fear and into our intuition, I'd love to hear more about how we can do that.
[00:11:21] Ashlee Greer: Absolutely. So this is something I call intuition anchoring. And what it is is it's basically attuning you and teaching you to really anchor into your intuition and be able to sense where you feel it. A lot of times intuition, most of the time intuition is felt in your body. It's not actually something you think. You might get a flash, you might get a thought, et cetera, but you're gonna feel it.
[00:11:44] Ashlee Greer: You've heard it, I feel it in my gut. That's something that happens for everybody. Yeah. And so what I usually do is I walk my clients through an exercise where they answer yes or no questions that are totally obvious what the answer yes or no is. So, the yes questions might be things like, my name is Ashlee.
[00:12:03] Ashlee Greer: I am a coach. I live in Australia. You know what I mean? I love my partner. I love my work. Maybe the no questions are, you know, I have 15 children. I have no, I don't have 15. I love the snow. I love, I'm trying to think of total no questions. I love to eat lobster. I'm allergic so I don’t. Things like that, that are obvious nos.
[00:12:27] Ashlee Greer: And what you do is you actually sit there and, you know, you have this list in front of you, which are obvious yes and nos for you personally. They have to be personal to you and they have to be relevant. Cause sometimes when you ask silly questions, like I'm an octopus, people just laugh, and they can't connect.
[00:12:42] Ashlee Greer: No, I'm not, but that doesn't trigger this for me. So then you, you close your eyes and you ask yourself these questions and you ask yourself ...my name is Ashlee. And you tune into your body. It's good to do a bit of a relaxation, a couple breaths, and take some time to get into relaxation before you do this. My name is Ashlee.
[00:13:01] Ashlee Greer: And where in your body do you actually feel that? What are you actually feeling and really tune into what's going on inside of your body when you ask this yes or no question? My name is Ashley. I am a coach. I love my work, et cetera. Whenever I personally get yeses, it feels like an elevator going off on the inside of my body and it bursts through my face or burst through my chest.
[00:13:25] Ashlee Greer: That's a yes for me. And then I go to the nos. I love snow. I have 15 kids. For me personally, this is an elevator going down the middle of my body and explodes out the bottom and explodes out my gut. Like it's a very strong feeling and I can feel this quite attuned, but I've been working with this stuff for a long time. For you and for your listeners, it might be subtle.
[00:13:48] Ashlee Greer: It might be, I feel a no in my toes. I've had clients say that and I'm like, that's perfectly ok.It's different for everyone. I feel a yes, cuz my face is getting hot, or I feel it in my forehead or it's totally unique to every single person. But the more and more you practice these yes or nos, the more you're going to be attuned to what your intuition is telling you.
[00:14:10] Ashlee Greer: And then what you have the opportunity to do is when you feel in that calm place where the pond is calm and you can see through to the bottom, you can actually ask yourself important questions that matter to you. Is there anything to worry about in my relationship? Okay. Maybe I'm getting a yes right now.
[00:14:28] Ashlee Greer: Is there anything that I need to know about my partner that he's not telling me? Okay. Maybe I'm getting another yes. Is he lying to me? Oh, I'm getting a no. Is he feeling depressed? Oh, I'm getting a yes. Is my jealousy actually his depression. Oh, wow. I just got a really strong yes.
[00:14:49] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Wow. That is an amazing exercise.
[00:14:53] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: That's incredible. So, if we do this, I assume we can make our own yes or no questions. Like this is something that we could just come up with. These are definite yeses for me. These are definite nos. Should we switch those questions up from time to time? Like how often should we do that and maybe stick with the same questions or should we switch them up?
[00:15:13] Ashlee Greer: As you're training your intuition, I would say to continue asking different questions, because what you're going to be doing is you're basically, it's like lifting weights in the gym. You're training yourself and you're training yourself to recognize what's going on inside of you. And as you do that, all of these questions you're gonna feel stronger or weaker cuz you know, something like my name is Ashlee might not be as strong as maybe something like I love to travel.
[00:15:37] Ashlee Greer: That's something I'm really passionate about so that I feel really strong about. And you'll feel even the strength of the yes and the no, based on how you feel about the yes and the no. So based on the actual actuality of the yes and the no. The more you do it, the more you'll anchor into where that feeling is and be able to find it again.
[00:15:55] Ashlee Greer: So I definitely recommend to continue doing it until it's really strong. And until you can actually ask yourself high stakes questions, And still feel it and not get triggered. And I would suggest for your audience also start with high stakes questions that don't have anything to do with your partner.
[00:16:12] Ashlee Greer: Start with high stakes questions that are not about your jealousy. Start with high stakes questions that maybe are like, am I in the right job? Or are my kids happy or whatever it might be that you care about deeply but aren't as triggering because that's gonna then train you to understand your intuition in terms of these important questions in your life, without feeling some of that triggering emotional jealousy that goes on.
[00:16:39] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Right. Cause we're gonna want to jump right to like, okay, I've trained my body for a minute. Let me jump to these questions that I feel like I want answers to when it comes to my partner. I love that exercise. How long do you think that we should do it? If we're practicing it? How long do you think before we kinda move to those higher stake questions?
[00:17:02] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: I don't think there's a real obvious answer to that. I think it's really gonna depend on the person. I think for some people they're going to have a lot of natural ability to tune into their intuition and they're gonna feel that really strong feeling immediately. For other people, it's going to be something that they have to really work at to turn up the volume on so that they can hear it.
[00:17:23] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: And so they can sense it and so they can feel it. And so they can know what it is that they're actually experiencing. And for those people, I'd say take a bit more time and take a bit more practice.
[00:17:31] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Another thing I wanted to mention though, that I was just thinking about is when you ask these high-stake questions, particularly when it comes to things that are highly emotional, ask yourself it a couple times through time.
[00:17:41] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: So, don't just ask it today and then go confront your partner. Ask yourself it today. Ask yourself again tomorrow. Maybe you didn't sleep well, maybe you slept better then maybe there's less stress going on. I'm sure you've all heard of halt, hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Whenever you feel those things, you're emotionally vulnerable and you're probably not gonna be very clear.
[00:17:59] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Ask yourself again when everything's going. Right. Ask yourself again, when you're feeling happy and connected, ask yourself in, in different circumstances so that you have confirmation that that intuition is actually reading things correctly.
[00:18:12] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: That's a good thought. And I assume then we wanna try to practice this outside of when we're in that mode. And we're in that fearful mode. It's probably not the best time to practice the intuition.
[00:18:26] Ashlee Greer: Hundred percent. Yeah. You don't wanna practice it in that situation because then what you're practicing is you're practicing, reading your anxiety and your fear.
[00:18:33] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: I'm a hundred percent doing this exercise, but since I haven't done it yet, if we feel one, you know, we ask ourselves some of those higher stakes questions, it's not related to our partner yet, but, and I just kind of sort of feel it. It's not a real strong emotion. Does that mean then that maybe that the emotion that it's not as strong is maybe not correct, or it just means maybe I'm not as tied to it.
[00:18:58] Ashlee Greer: It could mean a variety of things. It could mean either.
[00:19:00] Ashlee Greer: It's not as important to you. It could mean the intuition isn't certain, you know, like, are my kids happy? Maybe either neither, super happy, nor sad. So it could be, there's not a clear answer to that. A lot of times the best thing to do with that is rephrase the question. Find a different way to ask the question that's clearer.
[00:19:19] Ashlee Greer: So instead of are my kids happy saying, are my kids struggling in school? Are my kids satisfied with their friendships? Do my children feel connected to me and my husband? Things like that, so that you can actually be clear about what you're asking. Because another thing that sometimes happens as well is we put too many things in one bucket.
[00:19:37] Ashlee Greer: And so if we say something like, am I satisfied with my life and you're like, I didn't get any sign. I'm sort of neutral there. Well, maybe you hate your job, but you love your family, and you hate the town you live in, but you love your friends. So, I don't know. Are you satisfied in your life?
[00:19:54] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: So being really specific and clear on the questions that we're asking?
[00:19:58] Ashlee Greer: Absolutely. And making sure that there's one thing it's about and not multiple things
[00:20:04] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: That is amazing. What a wonderful exercise. Do you find that normally, if we are feeling a pretty strong sense of intuition, we're feeling it pretty strong are we usually right? Or can that still be up in the air?
[00:20:20] Ashlee Greer: I always wanna hedge on the side of it could always be up in the air.
[00:20:24] Ashlee Greer: Things could always be off target. We might not be asking the best questions. Something like when it comes to questions, even think of something such as has my husband had an affair. That could be a yes. If he had an affair in his last relationship.
[00:20:41] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: So again, being really specific.
[00:20:44] Ashlee Greer: It's the quality of your questions?
[00:20:46] Ashlee Greer: Yes. Yes. We need to make sure that we're being very clear about what's going on and that it's not something that is triggered from those past experiences we've had or an expectation that we have. That's another thing that's probably worth talking about is when we have expectations. Oh, I expect my husband's gonna cheat or I expect my partner's gonna go out and do these things to me.
[00:21:09] Ashlee Greer: What happens is we end up creating a filter over our eyes. It's like putting on orange sunglasses and we're gonna find evidence of that wherever we go and including in our intuition. And so when we have expectations that that's the truth, it's going to generally be very difficult to find evidence of the contrary because our orange glasses, are rose colored at that point, they're going to give us feedback and data that reinforces our expectation. Because essentially when we go out into the world, our world meets our expectation. When you go out into the world and you expect everybody at a party's gonna be rude and cold, everybody at that party's gonna be rude and cold, cuz you're gonna have the energy of that's gonna be putting out guarded and sort of anxious, awkward, right?
[00:21:57] Ashlee Greer: If you go to a party and everybody's gonna, you think everybody's gonna be amazing and friendly and awesome to talk to, you're gonna find that experience as well. And so I want people to be really careful about expectations, that if they have strong expectations, that my jealousy is accurate, then you're gonna probably find evidence of that.
[00:22:15] Ashlee Greer: And so you need to check those expectations at the door and go into it with curiosity. I wonder what's going on here. I'm open to allowing whatever truth comes through for me. I really want to connect with the heart and soul of my partner and understand their dynamics and understand my own fears. And I wanna leave any expectations that my partner is cheating or isn't cheating or any of that at the door, so that I can see things clearly and truthfully.
[00:22:47] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Yeah, we get into those situations, especially in those jealous situations. And I've done it a million times where I know this is gonna happen. I know this is gonna happen. And like you said, we bring it to us. And so I like the curiosity piece because it's also sort of trying to take that anxiety and think about it as excitement, cuz it's really hard when we're going to an event or we're going to be around other people or we're going to dinner.
[00:23:16] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: We get into that mindset of, like you said, the expectations I expect that this is not gonna go well. I expect that there's going to be somebody that I'm gonna worry about. And so it's more of, I'm excited to see how this is gonna turn out and I'm curious to see.
[00:23:32] Ashlee Greer: I love that. That's a great way to put it.
[00:23:35] Ashlee Greer: I would really encourage people to, in terms of fear, I mean, we could talk about fear for a minute, really encourage people to get to know their fear. People don't like to hear this, but when you put your fears outta your mind, when you push your fears off the table, when you try to deal with your fears, by denying they exist, what happens is they get bigger.
[00:23:54] Ashlee Greer: They end up basically getting shoved back into the subconscious mind and they influence your behavior. They influence your choices. They influence your expectations. They influence those filters without you even realizing what's going. And so if you take those fears out of the shadow, out, out of the dark and you sit 'em down and you say, okay, let's chat.
[00:24:16] Ashlee Greer: What's going on here? What are you really afraid of? And why are you really afraid of it? Let's actually get to know you. A lot of times, what happens is the fears begin to diminish. They no longer impact the behaviors and the choices and all of this stuff without our knowing it. So we don't feel as out of control.
[00:24:34] Ashlee Greer: Cuz a lot of times we feel out of control when our fears are driving the bus. Right. What's more is that we finally feel empowered to sit down and understand what's going on for us in terms of those fears. Cause we tend to want to project fear onto our environment. I'm afraid of things out there. I'm afraid of what that person's doing.
[00:24:55] Ashlee Greer: I'm afraid of what's gonna happen in that circumstance. I'm afraid of that kind of stuff, but the true root of our fears is inside of us and so if we can actually get to know what is it that I'm actually really afraid of and where is that coming from? That's when the real gifts occur, that's when the real gifts happen and that's when you're gonna be even clear with your intuition.
[00:25:18] Ashlee Greer: So an example might be, if I sit down and get to know my fear, and I'm saying, what is it that I'm really afraid of when I say I'm afraid that my partner's going to cheat on me? Well, gosh, if I just leave my partner out of it, what I'm actually really afraid of is to I'm afraid of being abandoned. Mm-hmm , I'm afraid that the person who loves me is gonna leave me and that I'm gonna be all alone.
[00:25:40] Ashlee Greer: Oh, wow. That feels really heavy. Well, if I think about that fear, when else have I felt that in my life? Oh, wow. I felt that when my parents got divorced and my dad left. So my fear about my partner is actually real about, really about my dad. And when I can address that internally, then suddenly things start to feel a little bit less frightening with my partner, cuz I know that there's seeds from the past.
[00:26:03] Ashlee Greer: And then I feel more calm and able to anchor into that intuition about what's going on in the here and now easier.
[00:26:09] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Yeah, we know that jealousy and when we become that extreme jealous person, it's the work is on us. And it lies within us, most of the time, unless we have evidence otherwise, but most of the time we don't have that evidence, there's nothing going on. It's it's all inside us and all work that needs to be done.
[00:26:32] Ashlee Greer: I also wanna give your audience the, the nudge that your, your feelings are important, and your feelings are data. And so what you're feeling tuning into that is important, including fear, including jealousy. I'm sure all of it, you know, I'm sure you, you teach them that, is there relevance to this or is it, is there facts to this, like you said, or not?
[00:26:53] Ashlee Greer: And sometimes there are, unfortunately.
[00:26:56] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Yeah. And I think that practicing that intuition and learning what it feels like is so super key because we second guess ourselves so much, cuz we don't know like, am I thinking this because I'm just that way and I'm always hyper focused or I'm always sensitive about it or is it something that we do really need to look at?
[00:27:16] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: And we have most likely in the past ignored some of those signs because we didn't know that it was intuition versus our fear.
[00:27:26] Ashlee Greer: And you actually bring up a really another really good point when it has to do with intuition is the importance of self-trust. You have to be able to trust yourself in order to be able to tune into and listen to your intuition.
[00:27:38] Ashlee Greer: And unfortunately, a lot of people have experienced situations in their life where they've had their emotions invalidated whether that's by their parents being told, oh, you're not hungry. You just hate or, you know, stop crying. Or if it's no next partner or there's a narcissist in your life who gaslit you and told you, you're crazy for feeling the way you did, what can happen is you lose trust in yourself and so then you second guess your intuition.
[00:28:02] Ashlee Greer: So I also wanna acknowledge that that can happen as well. And so developing that self-trust muscle and understanding that the things going on inside me have a wisdom. As long as I can be calm and I can return to this and I can practice, like we've talked about, I can actually tune into things into my own wisdom and that holds its own special genius.
[00:28:24] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Yeah. A hundred percent that self-trust. Oh, it's so difficult sometimes, but I think your exercise will really help people to figure that out. And go, you know what...I a hundred percent know the difference. This is my fear. So I know it's at least not that. And even if my intuition is wrong, it still wasn't based on fear, and I trust that I know the difference. So thank you so much for sharing that exercise and for being on Jealousy Junkie.
[00:28:53] Ashlee Greer: Absolutely. My pleasure. I've so enjoyed chatting with you today about intuition and fear. And I look forward to hearing how your listeners have benefited from it.
[00:29:02] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Yeah. And Ashlee if someone wants to reach you, how would they connect with you?
[00:29:08] Ashlee Greer: They can pop over to my website, ashleegreer.com and connect with me there.
[00:29:12] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: Awesome. Well, thank you so much, Ashlee.
[00:29:16] Shanenn Bryant - Jealousy Junkie: If you'd like to work with me directly, head over to jealousyjunkie.com and schedule your free clarity call to see how I can help. Until next time, take care and remember, you're not alone.
Dr. Ashlee Greer has her Ph.D in psychology and has helped thousands of people to create success and abundance in their lives. Through overcoming fears, excuses, perfectionism, self-criticism, and trauma she helps her clients build unshakeable confidence, self-trust, and unconditional self-worth that leads to lasting success and fulfilment.